


a question, an answer, and a mistake

by hallwinter



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Other Characters Are Mentioned, barry is a closeted lesbian, jekyll & hyde au, lesbian!blupjeans, one instance of a knife fight, weird experiments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 02:29:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14463042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hallwinter/pseuds/hallwinter
Summary: esteemed scientists don't normally delve into the dark mechanics of necromancy, but it has to happen eventually.





	a question, an answer, and a mistake

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the cliffhanger I don't have the motivation to write out the entire elaborate plot of this au (I might. Eventually. But I am kind of in writers block hell im sorry)
> 
> thanks to tumblr users cereology and cloudwitches to helping me make this au its so tasty

They say that the storms at night were gateways for the eyes of demons, devils that watch upon the souls of innocent (and not-so-innocent) people. They say the demons have ways to enter your home through faulty doors and broken floorboards, to steal all your belongings and, of course, your children. Personally, Lup thinks that’s all made-up bullshit from people who think astrology is a legitimate practice, but she’s nervous nonetheless. She normally doesn’t take night shifts anyways. The pounding of the rain against glass and occasional bout of thunder puts her on edge, and every moment she’s cooking, her hair stands on end. Ready for… something. She doesn’t know, and she doesn’t care to find out.

 

She works for a mysterious, brooding scientist in a grand estate. Doctor Sildar Hallwinter was, at his core, a recluse. A recluse with a lot of money, a lot of time, and a brilliant mind. Honestly, she admired his drive despite how little of his work she knew of. Lup didn’t do much more than work in the kitchen during the daytime and head off to the theatre at night while her brother takes the graveyard shift, which usually meant she didn’t get to see her boss often other than her weekly paycheck and the occasional walk-by. But she would admit, he was… quite charming. Well, in his own way at least. He isn’t the sort of person you’d expect to be an accomplished arcane scientist living in some fancy-ass mansion on the hills of London, but life seems to surprise you in ways like that. 

 

It becomes apparent that he is more active in the later hours.

 

She’s sweeping the dim hallways, paying no mind to the gentle wind that eases through the cracks in the practically ancient windows, swaying the flickering candle flames about. If it weren’t for the storm outside, the halls would be completely silent. It was so well taken care of that not even mice tried to wander into it (Sildar had a cat, anyways, so it didn’t matter). He paces through where she is, his gray-blue eyes fixated on some paper he’s holding in front of his face, studying it carefully. He doesn’t fashion his usual suit and coat; instead he’s wearing a partly unbuttoned white shirt and denim pants, his tie hangs loose and undone over his shoulders and beneath his collar.

 

Lup is confused at first; there aren’t really any rooms down this way, and he never approaches people just to  _ talk _ . “Uh, good evening, sir…?”

 

“Yes, good, uh, evening, Lup. I was just, ah, I was think- wondering,” Sildar adjusts his glasses, “would you care- care to sit? For a while? Um, with me, that is? Dining hall?” 

 

It’s easy to tell when he’s nervous about something. He stutters a lot more often, slipping on most words and repeating himself frequently, and his face is comically pinker than usual.

 

“Um, sure, what for?”

 

He fidgets with his collar. “It’s- it’s nothing, really, I was just, um, feel- feeling a little lonely, but, um, if it c-causes you too much trouble than ob-obviously it’s no problem if you don’t want to, uh…”

 

She cracks a friendly smile. “It’s not an issue, boss. You literally pay me to be here, like, it’s the least I can do.”

 

His face goes even redder. “S-sorry, sorry, um, yes. A-also you don’t- you don’t have to call me ‘boss’ or anything…? I have, I have a name. I-I-I know you and everyone else think I’m praiseworthy or whatever, but really, I’m- I’m not.”

 

“Alright, Sil it is then,” Lup declares, and starts making her way to the dining hall.

 

After sundown, there is far less commotion in here than she’s used to. She can see Ren wiping off some tables that already look sparkling, and Johann tapping softly on the piano, but that’s about it. It’s nigh comparable to the hustle of ten or more people working among the house.

 

“So, um,” Sildar mutters as he sits down at the far end of the table, Lup following shortly after. “So I was thinking- wait, do you know anything about, um, necromancy?”

 

She squints suspiciously. “No. That shit’s for unethical creeps who dig up graves for fun, not cute, dorky folks with perfect smiles like you.”  _ Okay, tone down the flirting. You can’t fuck your boss. _

 

The look on his face undoubtedly says “ _ you think I’m cute? _ ” but he doesn’t say anything about her comments. “I- okay, um, first of all, I don’t dig up graves, I just study the, um, souls and biology, mostly. Secondly- my smile is not anywhere  _ near _ perfect, cut that out.”

 

Lup does nothing but laugh. “Okay, sorry, what were you gonna tell me?”

 

“Well- see, I was thinking,” he points to his paper which he now has lying on the table. It’s mostly notes in incomprehensible writing, but there’s a few well-drawn illustrations as well. “What if- and this is  _ very _ hypothetical- the soul could be… split?”

 

“I’m not following…?”

 

“Alright, so, everyone knows that a soul is, uh, co-connected to the body’s magical energy, right? Well, what I want to know is- what could you do with a split soul? Would it have half your magic, half your personality? Would it fit into a living body? Again, extremely hypothetical. There- there’s just so much to learn about souls, this sort of thing could be a b-breakthrough! Can you even  _ imagine? _ ”

 

“Well- okay, Sil, listen, I know you- well, I  _ think _ I do, and I know you’re very… ambitious. This is a really interesting theory you’re crafting right here, I think, but this shit can’t go unchecked, you know what I’m saying?”

 

“Oh, oh n-no, no no no- did you…? Did you think I was actually gonna do this?” Sildar laughs with nervous energy. “Of course not, and- and even if I did, I wouldn’t do it on another person, no.”

 

“I sure as hell hope not,” Lup folds her arms.

 

“Yeah, no, don’t worry about it, um,” he folds up the notes and shoves it in his jeans pocket.

 

“But, for real, I really admire how invested in this you are, even if it’s super dangerous and bad,” Lup smiles, staring into his shiny, bespectacled eyes. “You know, uh, I’m enjoying your company a lot…? Why don’t we talk more often?” There was an obvious answer to that and Lup knew it- Sildar was a nervous wreck and didn’t talk to anyone unless he absolutely had to. Which seemed a bit sad, seeing how fun he was to be around. He wasn’t naturally charismatic by any means, but Lup ended up falling for his charm anyways.

 

“I’m just busy,” he says quietly. 

 

“Come on, doc, you have this whole place to yourself and all the time in the world to just do whatever, you gotta come out of that shell eventually.”

 

He smiles weakly at her and looks at the ground. “I- I will. Just not now. Sorry.”

 

She sighs. So much for trying to see that pretty face more often. Her fault for developing a crush on someone who majored in necromancy and never comes out of his lab.

 

-

 

Okay, yes,  _ maybe  _ bringing up his plan to someone with a better moral compass wasn’t the best idea, because now he felt guilty and he hasn’t even started yet. He was hoping she’d take interest and discuss it with him, like she always does, but she immediately saw the bad in it and now he wants to crawl in a hole and die.

 

It’s not that he  _ knows  _ he shouldn’t be doing this, rather, he was aiming for Lup’s approval on something that he hasn’t told anyone else (which obviously backfired and hit him in the face). Oh, the things you do when you’re pining…

 

He locks himself back up in his laboratory- his comfort zone, it smells vaguely of formaldehyde and blood, and there’s dirty dishes and blankets strewn about- disappointed in himself that he can’t even get out of it for half an hour. He can already feel another depression cycle clawing at the back of his mind.  _ Distract yourself _ , he thinks.  _ Just bury yourself in work like you always do. _

 

Admittedly, Sildar was a bit unstable. If it weren’t for the untreated anxiety disorder and depression, he might’ve been a public figure that people could look up to. Instead, he’s known as a so-called “mad scientist” that hasn’t touched the outside world in decades (to be fair, that was somewhat true). But now, he is ready for a change. This experiment is his life’s work- he spent countless months perfecting the formula, testing it on long lost souls that washed up from his mirror to the astral plane (it’s not technically illegal. He can’t go to the Eternal Stockade for recycling broken remnants of people who lived billions of years ago or more. At least, he hopes not).

 

The atmosphere is set already, and he doesn’t even have to try. His lab is always dark, and it’s especially dark now that it’s a stormy night, and the alchemy he performed earlier gave the room a distinct, dark green hue settling lazily in the air. This, he knows, will change  _ everything _ .

 

His first plan wasn’t the same as it is now. Originally, he wanted to delve even deeper into necromancy than he already had- at least deeper into the parts that  _ didn’t  _ involve raising the dead- and create a sort of semi-lich. Then, as time continued, he figured out that it could harness personalities, too. So he is going to split off every bad thing about himself into one omniscient being and hide it away forever, never to be seen by anyone (well, except himself. That part isn’t as appealing to him). He  _ will _ become an idealistic person whether he likes it or not.

 

He’s created something sickly. A vial, filled to the brim with a bubbling, oozing liquid, pulsating with neon green light, smelling faintly of sulfur. There’s a few beats of hesitation that linger before he puts it to his lips. This- obviously- is a very drastic decision. He doesn’t know how to reverse it, he doesn’t know what will happen, and he  _ certainly  _ doesn’t know if things will go haywire or not. Science is a lot of things, but most of it is an unclear future. Sildar has always been wary of that part.

 

But he drinks it anyway. It tastes worse than it looks and he almost coughs out a lung.

 

But it’s fine, everything is fine. He doesn’t feel any sudden changes, other than the gradual warmth rising in his blood. That… should be normal. He writes it down in his journal.

 

As it turns out, the universe seems to be working against him at all times. Everything crashes down on him at once, and it's more agonizing than being stabbed in the gut with a burning sword that also happened to be poisoned. There's a force inside of him that is trying to escape, pushing outwards from beneath his skin, but another force pushes back down, keeping him uncomfortably grounded.

 

There are only two things he can think right now: loud, agonized screaming, and a repeated mantra of “ _this was a mistake._ _This was a mistake. This was a mistake_.”

 

He chokes out a sob, crumbling to the floor in pain, holding his chest tightly. It’s burning white hot in his belly; every inch of him is practically on fire. He regrets not writing a will before he drank that fucking potion.

 

But as soon as it started, it suddenly stops.

 

He blinks, feeling lightheaded, staring at the ceiling with tears still fresh in his eyes. And he feels a million different things at once but it's all so… good. It feels right. He feels so, so different and so, so  _ alive _ . Where has this feeling been all along?

 

He sits up slowly and looks into the mirror, touching his face gently in childlike wonderment. He’s slightly disheveled, built with sharper features and almond-shaped eyes with distinct, bright red irises. His hair is longer than usual. His glasses are off his face but- when did he ever  _ need _ glasses? He can see just fine.

 

More importantly, there's a part of him that feels separated; a part of him that is confused and scared and close to a panic attack, but he pushes that part down as far as it can go. He- this is someone else. What's his name again…?

 

Oh, right.  _ Of course _ . His name is Barry. Barry Bluejeans, esteemed scientist and gentle fellow. He grins devilishly and gets up.

 

His clothes are a bit loose fitting now that he thinks about it. He throws a cloak over it, dark crimson and billowing. And out of the room he goes.

 

The hallways at night are dreary, and there's a certain dampness in the air that can only be achieved from heavy rain. This atmosphere is right up his alley. He walks with confidence down the stairs, and sees Lup not far off- she's dusting at the oaken bookshelves in the lobby.

 

He smiles. She's the most gorgeous person he’s ever known, the other part of him had been repressing so much of his emotion towards her that it came flooding to Barry all at once, and he is overcome with something like lust.

 

“Hello,” he greets.

 

Lup nearly jumps. “Huh…? Oh, hello… sir,” she hesitates. The look on her face is more than confused.

 

“Not a sir, but thank you kindly!” Barry waves and walks closer to her.

 

“N… no? Okay, uh, I wasn't expecting- not that it isn't okay to change, but, uh, what would you rather me call you?”

 

Barry thinks it's hilarious how nervous she is. “No titles whatsoever. It’s just Barry.” his grin is a bit too wide for comfort. Exactly the vibe he wants to put out- keep everyone on edge.

 

She squints at him, brows furrowed. “Uh… okay, well- I- you look different.”

 

“I don't know what you mean.”

 

With that, he dashed out the front door, basking in the smell of precipitation on the earth. The streets of London at night were even dimmer than the confines of his home, misted with fog and moonlight and the dirty smell of the cobblestone streets. He steps on every crack in the vacant road, watching his shadow dance about under the light of gas lamps.

 

Every inch of him is new and thrumming and so, so alive- he can feel his heart pulsing against his ribs, the cool air pulling into his lungs. 

 

He is never going back.

 

The Davy Lamp tavern is nearby, the windows glowing with a lively yellow light. It’s always a party of sorts on Friday nights. He grins, and waltzes on in. The usual bartender, Ren, isn’t here tonight- she tends to work the occasional shift at the Hallwinter Estate, being a good friend of both Sildar and Taako. However, Julia and Magnus are taking charge for the evening, bringing their usual rustic livelihood to the stage.

 

Julia finishes polishing off a glass when Barry sits at the counter. She greets him with a warm smile.

 

“Hey, howdy-do!”

 

“Good to see you,” they shake hands.

 

“What’s been up with you, Sil? Maggie says it’s been ages since you’ve been ‘round here! ‘N hey, where’s your glasses? Thought you couldn’t see a damn thing without ‘em.  _ Oh _ , don’t tell me, you got some magic sciency thing to fix your eyes up?”

 

Barry chuckles. Julia has always been rather talkative, though not in a bad way at all. “No, I-”

 

Magnus practically tackled him from behind- Barry didn’t seem to notice him exiting the space behind the counter.

 

“Whoa!”

 

“Hey, dumbass, I missed you!” 

 

“Good!”

 

Magnus laughed. “Hey, did you get plastic surgery or something? You look-”

 

“Different, I know,” Barry finishes. “It’s nothing. Hand me a drink, will you? The usual.”

 

Julia winks. “Sure thing, hon!”

 

Magnus sits down next to Barry as Julia starts mixing. “You're usually not so cheery and social, what’s got you up on cloud nine?”

 

He picks at his fingernails. “Love does silly things to you.”

 

Magnus immediately becomes starry eyed, mouth agape. “You-?! Oh my  _ god _ , Sil! Who is it? Tell me  _ everything _ ,” he leaned in like a teenage girl looking for the latest gossip.

 

“She's a real pretty lady, yeah?”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah. Dunno if you knew her, but her name’s Lup, she's a bit famous around these parts of town-”

 

Magnus grabs his shoulders. “Holy shit! Taako’s gonna  _ flip _ when I tell him! Oh, man, are you two dating yet?”

 

“Relax, Magpie, I already told him. And, for the record, he absolutely did flip. Says he’s real happy for us.”

 

Julia slides Barry’s drink across the counter- it’s still foaming. “On the house!”

 

He lifts up for a toast, which Magnus happily joins in on.

 

-

 

Sildar wakes up in his bedroom, strangely, because he doesn't remember falling asleep there. He groans, complaining to no one about the current state he’s in, because  _ holy shit _ everything hurts. As far as he’s concerned, this isn't normal.

 

Someone knocks gently on the door, cracking it open. It’s Lup. She looks exhausted and worried and a little bit angry. Just a little bit.

 

“Rise and shine, Sil- Er, uh, sorry, Barry, was it?”

 

Sildar squints. “Huh? I- my name isn't-”

 

Lup sighs in relief. “Thank god, I was so confused. Do you have like, a sibling or something? A sibling living here that I wasn't aware of?”

 

Oh,  _ shit _ . He remembers last night now- it had felt like someone else was controlling him in a way, someone different but so familiar. It was himself,  _ technically _ , but it was every part of him that he never wanted to show. And that part of him went out into the streets and did… something.

 

“Uh…” he stammers. “Y-yes, that was my twin sibling-? He, uh, visits from time to time. Doesn't know how to knock. Haha.” Sildar laughs uncomfortably.

 

Lup presses her lips together. “Okay, I guess that makes sense. Anyways, you might wanna get up soon if you have any plans, sir. It's almost noon.”

 

He scrambles out of bed, trying not to wince at the pounding headache that becomes more apparent as he gets up. “Yeah, yeah, I got it.”

 

Lup is already halfway down the hallway by the time he’s up and ready. He catches up to her, nearly tripping on the floorboards. 

 

“S-so- um, uh… s-sorry for taking off last night, um, I r-really didn't mean to upset you or anything, um, sorry.”

 

“You didn’t upset me,” she admits, sounding not-so convincing. It only made Sildar more anxious. “I was just worried.”

 

“O-okay,” he stops in his tracks while Lup continues. “I’m just- I’ll be down in a minute.”

 

He casts a spell of silence around the door when he gets into his lab and his eyes immediately dart to the desk where that fateful experiment occurred. He practically tears open his journal, not even bothering to sit down as he writes.

 

“I’ve started a lie. The truth can be told to no one, not even my dearest companions, for it could put them in grave danger. But not to worry,” he speaks out loud, “there’s no trouble in keeping secrets.”

 

“Is that so?” a voice asks from behind him.

 

Sildar jumps and turns around. Who could’ve possibly made it into his lab without him knowing?

 

His own face in the mirror stares back at him with sinister eyes. He smirks, crossing his arms over his chest, while Sildar looks on with wide eyes.

 

“I’m just gonna come out and say it, you’re an awful liar.”

 

“What do you know?”

 

“I  _ am _ you, Doctor. I know everything.”

 

He rubs his sleeve. “I guess that's fair. Do you know what happened last night?”

 

“Oh, nothing. Just got super wasted with Magnus and now  _ you  _ gotta deal with the hangover.”

 

Sildar groans, burying his face in his hands. “This was a stupid idea.”

 

“I would say you should’ve listened to Lup, but then again, what does  _ she _ know?”

 

“A lot more than I do.”

 

“Nonsense. Look at you, look at this  _ lab! _ Everything in here is absolutely stunning work, my dear friend, do you think Lup could accomplish the great scientific advancements that you have?”

 

He stares at him. “...yes? She’s really smart, Barry. Don’t- don’t try to convince me otherwise. A-a-and, anyways, this is so- I can’t believe I-I’m talking to myself. I’m l-l-losing my god damn mind!” He begins to pace, as he always does when he’s worked up over something, rambling on and on with that terrible stutter he’s always tried to hide (and failed miserably to do so, time after time). 

 

Sildar has a long, long list of fears. Abandonment, spiders, the dark, his own clinginess, large bodies of water, etcetera, etcetera. But out of all of them, the thing that scares him most is himself. He is capable of truly terrifying things, such as this experiment gone horribly wrong. Along with that and his self destructive tendencies, he fears of going crazy. People tell him that isolation is only going to make his already bad mental health even worse, and what does he go and do? Stays alone in his laboratory, burying himself in useless projects and experiments just to get away from himself. It’s an endless cycle, it seems, where every time he feels like he’s getting better, something comes along and throws him back at square one. 

 

Right now, he’s at a square that he doesn’t know the name of. Square negative one, maybe. Who knows.  _ Certainly _ not Doctor Sildar Hallwinter.

 

-

 

Taako is a nocturnal man at this point. He sleeps all day (or at least a majority of the day), waits until Lup gets home from work, then goes to take over the night shift. And the cycle repeats day after day. He doesn’t really mind it, especially since he doesn’t really get visitors anyways, but lately he’s been feeling a little empty.

 

So, whatever. He’s just going to kept stirring this chocolate pudding until it’s finished. He’s not one to fuck up one of his Auntie’s famous recipes; that’s just disgraceful. He’d rather die and burn in hell for a billion years than disappoint her. He knows Lup would do the same, of course.

 

Kitchens at night are quiet. This whole house at night is quiet, usually, aside from the few times he’s caught Sildar running wild through the halls with notes falling out of his arms, chasing one of his… experiments, if they can be called that. After all this time, Taako still doesn’t even know if the dude has a sleep schedule. 

 

His train of thought is interrupted by cold, firm hands rubbing his shoulders. He nearly whips around to attack them with his ladle on impulse, before remembering something extremely important.

 

“Oh, hey, Kravvy!”

 

Kravitz, a handsome man with dark skin and locs pulled up into a neat bun, who always wears a dark suit and a black cloak, smiles at him. “Good evening, love,” he greets, planting a gentle kiss on Taako’s cheek. Times like this reminded him how fucking lucky he was.

 

“Shoulda told me you were, uh, droppin’ by before c-comin’ in here and nearly scaring the shit outta me. You coulda died, my dude,” he gestures to his ladle.

 

Kravitz chuckles. His laugh is oh-so-sweet; warm and familiar to Taako’s ears. “Oh, dear me, how would I have survived…” he teases.

 

Taako nudges his ribs playfully. “Don’t underestimate me! Anywho, what’s- uh, why’re you stoppin’ down here, my fella? You got business?”

 

“Well, ah, I just thought it had been a while since I saw your face, and-”

 

“Oh, you sap.”

 

His smile is kind even as he’s being teased. “I did want to talk, though… lately something strange has been, ah, occurring around my field.”

 

“Hm? Like… how strange?”

 

“Strange as in ‘people who should be dead suddenly aren’t anymore.’”

 

Taako’s eyes are the size of the full moon in the autumn. Naturally, anyone would be as mortified as he is in this moment, but Kravitz is used to tricky necromancers running about. He is hardly phased; nevertheless, he expected Taako to react this way.

 

“S-so- are you saying…?”

 

“Zombies? Sort of. We’re not entirely sure.”

 

“Well, that’s gonna be a real handful, sheesh…”

 

Ren runs in with an armful of pots and pans, hurrying to set them on some sort of surface before she inevitably drops them. Wiping sweat off her brow, she faces Taako. “What’re y’all talking about in here?”

 

He panics internally for half a second- but he pushes that panic down, because repressing his feelings was one of the many things he was good at. “We’re making date plans,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

“Oh, gross,” she jokes. “Go make bedroom eyes at each other somewhere else, okay? I got shit to do.”

 

“You’re fuckin’ welcome!” he laughs along with her as he leaves, hooking arms with Kravitz gracefully. Into the foyer they go.

 

“Are you asking for help?” Taako whispers, keeping his voice low.

 

“W-well- Yes, I suppose, but, ah, you really don’t have to. I just wanted to, um, make you more aware of how busy I might be in the coming weeks…” his eyes drift around the dark wood floor, over the red velvet curtains, in between cracks on the stone walls by the door.

 

“Kravitz. Kravvy. Baby. Pumpkin pie. My dearest and most handsomest lover. My sweet angel from-”

 

“Get to the point,” he giggles.

 

Taako flashes a grin. “I just want you to know that I’m gonna fuckin’ help you out, whether you want me to or not. I’m- I’m one-hundo percent ready to wreck some zombie ass! Anytime, baby!”

 

“Good to know.” 

 

-

 

Lup usually isn’t the type of person to spy on others’ personal business. She believes in personal space bubbles; everyone has the right to their own privacy (Taako, on the other hand, thinks he’s entitled to know everyone’s secrets, but that’s a different story). In her list of rules, “don’t pry into other people’s personal information” is high in the rankings. There is but one exception to this rule, a certain circumstance in which she is allowed to break it: if someone dear to her is hurting themself, or getting hurt in any way, she is obligated to find out what’s going on beneath the layers of emotional repression and fix it herself.

 

Her investigation skills are undeterred and unmatched. She’s been noticing odd happenings lately, particularly around her boss. He’s always been secluded, but never like this. Never this much. And, even when she does see him, he looks ragged and worn out with no explanation to be offered. On top of that, his “sibling” has been coming out more often too, and she’s been getting to know him a lot more. They seem to be on good terms- she trusts him to some degree, and he definitely trusts her- so she decides to poke and prod at his mind a little bit to see what she can find out about her dearly beloved friend.

 

She arranges a hangout on a warm evening when the sky is clear, sometime in late spring. There’s a chess table arranged out on the balcony, along with the best damn drinks she’s ever managed to mix up. A note is left on the lab’s door to invite him up at exactly 5:00 PM- and now, she waits.

 

“Lup!” he beams. Barry seems to have a penchant for wearing red, he always has that ridiculous cape on.

 

“Hey, Barold!”

 

He sits across from her, eyes smiling. “What was it you wanted to talk about?”

 

“Oh, well, I’ve just been a little worried about Sil, I figured since you're his twin and all you could help me out a little bit? And, you know, we could have a little fun here too.”

 

“Sounds good! Ask away,” he says as he takes a sip of his drink.

 

She purses her lips for a moment. There's a million things she could ask, perhaps things that would startle Barry, so she settles on something easy at first.

 

“Where does he go all day?”

 

“Where do you think?” he jokes.

 

She rolls her eyes affectionately. “Yeah, that’s fair. What is he… doing in there?”

 

“Oh, he hardly lets me in there, if I’ll be honest. But from what I’ve seen, it’s something darker than what I would expect from someone like him.” His eyes are slightly more sunken as he says this.

 

“O-oh…?” Lup takes a drink. “Is there any way I can like… pull him away for a minute and help him out? He always keeps that door locked.”

 

“Sure! There’s a key that he hid under the pot by the back door. Can’t guarantee he’s in there though, I saw him go out to pick something up a few hours ago,” he grins. Lup notices how oddly sharp his canines are- not sharp enough to look like a straight-up vampire, but sharp enough to stand out. He and Sildar look so similar, yet so entirely different. A lot like her and Taako.

 

But now she knows exactly what she needs to do, and by god is she going to do it.

 

-

 

Sildar wakes up pinned to the floor with a knife at his throat. His head is spinning from the remnants of something he can’t remember, and his ear are ringing especially loud, but above the dizziness he can make out a familiar face above him. That’s how he knows what deep shit he is in.

 

Lup is panting, breathing hard, teeth baring above him. There’s a cut on her cheek that he’s never seen before, still fresh with a thin line of blood. For a moment, he thinks that this is his last day on Earth, that she’s going to slit his throat any minute now. But they’re both still and he can feel the pressure she’s putting on him loosen slightly. 

 

“Which one are you,” she demands between heavy breaths. 

 

The gears in his brain turn far too slowly as he prepares an answer. There are a few other things he notices about his environment- he’s in his lab, looking particularly disheveled (he doesn’t remember unbuttoning his shirt so far down. He’s pretty sure Lup can see his bra,  _ fuck- _ ). There’s a knife in his hand as well, similar to the one Lup has, although his grip on it is limp. Now he has to consider her question- what could she possibly mean- oh.  _ Right _ . He forgot about the double life he’s been leading. His cover is officially blown.

 

“Um,” he stammers, voice raspy with exhaustion. “S-sildar.”

 

Lup pulls the knife away from his neck; he sighs with relief. “That’s what I figured.”

 

“Um, I- what’s going on?”

 

“You know, I’m not entirely sure, but I think you can do a pretty good fuckin’ job at explaining what the hell you’ve been doing to yourself and lying to my face about,” she snaps.

 

She gets off and he rises to his knees, head hanging low in shame. Where does he even start, the part where he went against Lup’s advice? His first conception of the plan, then how it morphed into a way to cope with his debilitating self-hatred? Everything about this is just massive boiling cauldron full of his own personal demons. It’s a good thing that Lup knows him well, so maybe his life might be spared an extra day.

 

“Okay,” he mutters. “Where do I s-start?”

 

“You  _ could _ start with what exactly compelled you to do this.” Lup sighs deeply, her face easing its previous tensity. “I’ve been worried sick about you.”

 

Well, isn't that a punch to the gut? “Sorry. I really didn't mean for- for  _ any _ of this to happen.”

 

“I know,” she assures sincerely. “So who is…?”

 

“Uh, B-barry? I’m not… I’m not sure. I think he’s a sort of m-manifestation of, uh, everything I repress about my-myself. Um.”

 

She huffs. That could mean a number of things for her, really. He can't imagine what she could possibly think about him now.

 

“So… essentially, everything you hate about yourself, all packed into one very chaotic person?”

 

He nods wordlessly.

 

“...and he tells me he’s genderless and, from what I can tell, extremely in love with me?”

 

Oh, shit. Panic overwhelms him while he tries to find his words. “I- I didn't- um, I-”

 

Lup looks, in every sense of the word, sad. “Sil. You know you didn't have to hide any of that from me, right?”

 

_ Huh _ .

 

“Huh?”

 

“I- I thought you were a dude this whole time, holy  _ shit _ , and now I’ve been misgendering you- god, Sildar, I’m so-”

 

He frantically waves his now very, very sweaty hands. “No no no! It's okay, r-really! I, I had to fake my identity, sorta. I d-didn't think anyone would take me seriously if they knew I was a lesbian. A-and, really, it's not that important, I-”

 

“Okay, this whole web of lies you've caught yourself in is all pretty ridiculous, but this is by far the most disheartening. I-  _ sweetheart _ , I love you just the way you are. And, wow, shit, that does sound really romantic, uh-”

 

They're both buzzing with anxiety now, avoiding eye contact. On Sildar’s end, his heart and mind are melting into puddles of incoherent affection, consumed by adoration for the woman sitting in front of him. On Lup’s end, she feels like she just pulled the trigger on herself for admitting her feelings.

 

Sildar laughs. Which is odd, because Lup doesn't remember making any jokes. She looks back at him, and tears are filling his eyes- not sad tears, no, definitely not. She laughs with him.

 

“ _ God _ , oh my god, I’m in love with you.” Lup wraps her arms around him, and he does the same.

 

Their hug is broken by Lup eventually, who pulls away with her face still red and damp. “Okay, we can make out later, right now we gotta figure out how to fix this.”

 

“Uh, oh… um, I- you won't tell anyone, right?”

 

She presses her lips into a thin line. “What if I need help?”

 

“... I suppose that's alright.”

 

“Good!” she gets up on her feet, pulling Sildar up with her. “Now, let’s go pull this all together. Preferably before anything bad happens.”

 

Lup hears the front door slam open downstairs, letting in a huge gust of wind. Perfect timing as always.

 

“Oh god, who is that?”

 

A voice rings through the hallway, angry and yet worried. It’s an old friend of Sildar's.

 

“May I have a word with Doctor Hallwinter, wherever he is?” Lucretia declares.

 

“He’s gotten himself into quite the trouble.”

  
  
  
  



End file.
